Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences, new from Vanderbilt University sociology professor Laura M. Carpenter, examines the different meanings and experiences associated with virginity loss.

According to Carpenter, most people view virginity as either a gift (“gifters”), a stigma (“stigmatized”) or as just another part of the process of becoming an adult (“processers”) .

“Processers” seemed to have the most emotionally satisfying, healthy and safe experiences, whereas “gifters’” well-being depended on having partners who reciprocated loving, appreciative feelings. For the five women in the study for whom that did not happen, the result was not only disappointment – even devastation – but also a feeling of being deprived of sexual empowerment.

The “stigmatized” had mostly positive virginity loss experiences. On the downside, the intensity with which most members of this group wanted to hide their inexperience, along with circumstances and casual relationships in which many lost their virginity, resulted in the lowest rates of protected sex in the study.

Men who saw virginity as a stigma especially felt compelled to conceal their inexperience and felt particularly vulnerable to humiliation and disempowerment at the hands of female partners. Derided as virgins or sexual incompetents, three men in the study avoided sex long after losing their virginity.

I’d say I was a “processer.”