It seems that for someone who hasn’t been in a relationship for more than six months or so that it is hard to know what is love and what is not.

We have been having very bad fights lately and it is mainly over my partner’s jealousy issues.

Of course things were perfect when we first meet at at after party. It was so nice to meet someone that wasn’t from Grindr or from a bar. We made out for hours and had amazing sex and cuddled.

We helped each other through so many changes in our lives such as my car being stolen, his parents divorcing, his dad moving away, him getting his first job, me selling my house and living from hotel to hotel, and of course the pandemic of 2020.

We had fights before and we were somewhat having an open relationship at one point as he had sex with my friends and friends of his. Things took a dramatic turn when I went off to make out with someone who I meet after the club closed. He walked in on him giving me a blowjob. He has never gotten over the jealousy of this even after several months.

We have been together for over a year and a half now which is historic for me. There are some breaking points to a relationship with me and the following are:

  1. Don’t use my age against me
  2. Don’t bring up things I trusted you with during fights or to other friends
  3. Don’t have sex with my BFF
  4. Don’t be a hypocrite about drinking or going out
  5. Don’t be a hypocrite about anything
  6. Don’t hit me
  7. Don’t threaten your life because of a fight between us or because of anything
  8. Don’t post on Facebook or social media about our relationship
  9. Don’t break my phone or damage things
  10. Don’t tell me that I will never get anyone else as good as him and that no one wants me
  11. Don’t tell me how ugly I am

I mean the list goes on with so many lines that had been crossed and he stepped over every single one not only once but twice and another time.

It makes no sense he is so sweet and loving 97% of the time but there is this time once a week that he loses it and will start throwing a fit. He will punch himself in the face, try to break something including his phone, throw things across the room, etc. It is some kind of mania that maybe needs medication. I am really not sure how to deal with it but had to write about it to get it off my chest.

It may be time that we end this relationship at least until we can find a way to get him to counseling an on medication. At the same time I have this deep gash in my heart where I feel empty and lost. He thinks his looks are what make him the person he is but there is so much more to him than his outside. It is like this evil presence comes over him and he does this but it isn’t him its like another personality that takes over. He will apologize and be so sorry about what he did then he will say how happy he is the next day so we move forward and hope that it doesn’t happen again.

The bad thing is it keeps happening on repeat and I am not sure what to do. I love him so much and I want to be there for him forever but I almost feel like neither one of us are able to make this work anymore. I am sexually not able to perform with him anymore because I keep seeing him as this mad person instead of the beautiful, sweet person that he really is deep inside. I have my issues that is for sure but I just feel it is not healthy for us to stay together for now. I just hope he can be strong enough to be without me for awhile until we both can bring our mental states to the same level of love and trust and being able to compromise with each other.