All you see in the media is younger people coming out. You hardly ever see the stories of older couples coming out or single gay or lesbians who have had to hide for job security, religion, or other reasons.

While coming out is nearly always a scary proposition, coming out well after adolescence or college can be especially challenging. Younger people may worry about coming out to family and friends, but as you age, your social ties change. You may have to come out to a spouse, children, and co-workers. Your worries, concerns and questions around coming out may be entirely different than those of a younger person.

Be smart about coming out. Make sure that those closest to you hear from you, and not from the local gossip channel. While you do not need to send your cousin Betty an announcement card, your parents, siblings and closest friends should be told directly. Much of the time, co-workers and your boss can wait. Depending upon your age and social network, you may find that it is more or less accepted. Consider telling a dear, trusted friend early on in the process to have a support system available. You may find that there are those in your life you simply choose not to tell, and this is also valid, especially if they are not apt to hear otherwise.

One of the most difficult situations for gay and lesbian individuals coming out as adults is telling a spouse. Regardless of the stability of your marriage, coming out will pose significant challenges to your marriage and nuclear family. If you have already made decisions about your marriage, you should be open and honest about these with your spouse. You may be unsure about what you want. Consider seeing a therapist experienced in helping couples deal with these transitions. Some people opt to stay in their marriages, acknowledging their sexuality. Others hope for a peaceful dissolution of their marriage.

Telling children also poses a number of challenges. Younger children are typically quite accepting. You may wish to consider becoming active in a local gay and lesbian parenting group to allow your children to see families like yours. Address concerns as they arise and be aware of any possible social issues that may come up for your children. Older children and adult children may feel angry, betrayed or confused. They might also simply have already known or thought they knew. You may find family counseling helpful to smooth over these relationships if need be during this time.

There are some great resources about coming out as an adult, ranging from thirty something to a senior. A recent documentary, Out Late, offers a number of coming out stories from older Americans. More information is available at bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/reinventing. More tips on coming out in adulthood can be found at sexualityandu.ca/adults/. If you have children, or are the adult child of a gay or lesbian parent, colage.org may be of assistance.

National Coming Out Day is October 11.