Dear Maria
Since it seems everyone else wants to throw in their two cents about some poor 14-year-old girl, I thought I should too.
Recently, Dear Abby posted a letter from a mother whose 14 year old daughter disclosed that she was attracted to girls. Thinking this made her a lesbian, the girl was not shy about telling people about her feelings. The mother wrote to Abby: “I keep trying to make her understand that this is HER business, and it’s not something she should make public.†And the mom asked, “Am I wrong in telling her that?â€
I have no idea what the actual Dear Abby question looks like. I can’t find it anywhere. So, unfortunately, I’m going to have to go off of the above.
Dear Mom,
It seems you are assuming your daughter thinks she is a lesbian. Has she shared this thought with you? Yes, I know she disclosed that she is attracted to girls. That doesn’t really mean anything other than that she is attracted to girls.
Secondly, I don’t think teaching your daughter to hide her feelings about anything is healthy. Would you have a problem with her telling people about her feelings for a boy? If not, it looks like this is your problem and I really hope you can keep it from becoming hers.
Lastly, I was a 14-year-old girl taught to hide how I feel. Just something to think about.
Maria
Warren Throckmorton, PhD, thinking Abby gave out some horrible advice, shares his opinion here:
Here Abby had an opportunity to educate the public and help this mom but she blew it. She told the mom that “It is not uncommon for the parents of a gay child to feel guilt or shame, when in truth, it has nothing to do with the quality of their parenting and everything to do with genetics.†She then directed her to organizations that perpetuate the belief that homosexuality is an inborn identity with no words of caution concerning the flexibility of identity in adolescence. Here Abby had an opportunity to educate the public and help this mom but she blew it. She told the mom that “It is not uncommon for the parents of a gay child to feel guilt or shame, when in truth, it has nothing to do with the quality of their parenting and everything to do with genetics.†She then directed her to organizations that perpetuate the belief that homosexuality is an inborn identity with no words of caution concerning the flexibility of identity in adolescence.” continue reading
I’m staying out of the nature vs. nurture debate. I don’t care why I am who I am. I also don’t care why the sky is blue.
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